A customer once asked me, “I know you can tune a piano, but can you tune a fish?” I replied, “I can if it has scales!”

How many tuners does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: 5. One to actually put in the bulb, and four others to stand around and say that their way is better.

A family called a well respected piano tuner by the name of Mr. Opporknockity to come and tune their piano. That night a terrible earthquake took place and the piano fell out of tune. The family called him to see if he would come back to tune it again. He replied, “opporknockity tunes only once!”

How did the piano get locked out? He forgot his keys.

Did you hear about the pianist that kept banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear!

A husband and wife are in the car on their way out for the evening. The husband exhales, “Shoot, we forgot to take the piano with us!” His wife responds, “Whatever for?,” to which he replies, “Because I left the tickets to tonight’s show on top of it.”

Throw a piano down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you a-flat minor!

Why couldn’t Mozart find his music teacher? Because he was Haydn.

An elderly woman is going for an operation on her arm. She ask the doctor, “Will I be able to play the piano after the operation?” The doctor replies, “I don’t see why not.” The woman answers, “I’ve never been able to before.”

A guy enters his dog in a classical piano competition. When the dog starts to play, he is awful! After 30 seconds or so, the judge tells the emcee to get the stupid dog off the stage NOW! But the owner warns “You better let him finish, he attacks at anyone who tries to interrupt his playing” The judge says, “I don’t care. His Bach is worse than his bite!”

Why was the piano invented? So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

A note left for the pianist from his wife: Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.

You know what’s wrong with the prisoners at Sing-Sing? They’re behind a few bars and they can’t find the right key.